ugh i say...

today is a blah day...sitting around the house and watching movies kinda day...it's really cold out which i love, but the house is cold too, and that's not cool...
my dad backed into the garage door this morning trying to leave for work...haha...he wasn't paying attention and so he backed into the garage door when it was still going up...it was amusing but kinda sad too...because the first thing he said was something about it being an accident...because he most likely knew my mom would automatically snap at him...it probably isn't that funny...oh well...
...i want to watch half baked!! i'll go to the blockbuster down the street later today..i've got to help my mom put her orchids in the garage cause it's too cold for them to be outside...i love the cold...it's so beautiful and pleasant...cold and rainy is just blah, cold is cool, and rainy is cool, but not them both together at the same time...that's just crappy blah-ness...oh well...ooo...my free isp is done d/l-ing...cool...
...I'm getting Doc Marten boots!! yay!! the one that are really high and calf length...oh sweet god how i love leather...i think i'll wear them tomorrow night to the concert...(godsmack and limp bizkit) i dunno what to wear with them though...i think my fav. shirt is in the laundry damnit....oh well...i may wear jeans...who knows...they're just really cool...yay for me...alright...i'll go now...later~

ponder ponder...

...i can't stop thinking about certain things...i keep pondering them and yet, never come to an answer as to why i keep thinking about them...
...certain songs make me think of certain things or people...and it kills me...I can't stop myself of thinking of these things, and some of them are bad, some of them are okay...but i can't stop this madness in my head...
for example this song, hemorrhage in my hands makes me think of this ugly ting that happened in November, but I love the song...it's odd..i'll like the song just not the memory and keep torturing myself...i don't get myself...
and wait, the song changes...to Tonic 'if you could only see'...such a beautiful song...another reminder of an oh so lovely person, and another memory of so many people telling me to get a real life..all this pressure came down to one stupid email as well as a mind altering mistake...there's just weird things that come up to mind and they all come up from these songs...and i keep listening to the song and torturing myself with the thoughts and it never ends...
..i don't know if anyone understands me...nor do i know if anyone ever will...i'd like to hope so, but i'm not sure...i can never tell...and someone asked me what fate meant the other day, and i couldn't answer him..I kept trying to tell him, but nothing right ever came out...maybe it's nothing and i should just keep on going doing what i should be doing rather than stop and think about certain things, but i can't...i should be ironing or folding clothes, or cleaning my room, but i'm sitting here wondering about things i have no clue about really...i need some sort of excape...some release...just need something...

dum dee dum dee dum

I'm kinda bored at the moment...i'm happy though...poetry is something so sacred and special to some people including me...even though i suck at writing it...it's so wonderful...there's world inside of the poems that can only be reached by reading it and be captured by it...it's amazing to me...and S's poetry is so wonderful and beautiful and lovely and i adore it so...i'm helpless i guess...but oh well...off to blockbuster~

touched...

it's odd...life...it's gives you things you have to learn from, and hands you things to enjoy...it's amazing really...there's one person in everyone's life that will touch them truly and deeply at one point and I've found that one person...
the lovely and wonderful S...and that name which i love so much...that name which i thinkof constantly in hopes of one day actually being there with her in person...and hoping i'm not alone in that thought...selina..
it's been weird at times, and awkward at others, and just plain brutal at others, but through out it all i cannot stop loving this entity, this person...she's amazing to me...i was talking to her today, and she was picking out one of her poems for a friend...ah, her poems are purely brilliant..wonderful in every way...it's as though they take you to different worlds, each one you read...i love them...anyway..she was making this piece or artwork for her friend i guess for his birthday, and it sounded so beautiful...i haven't really been able to see much of her work, just half of one which is her icon for her journal...which i adore so much, it's absolutely beautiful...but back to my epifany..

I couldn't stop imagining her painting with this canvas in front of her...it was amazing, and odd at the same time...and it's like some conclusion almost that i made i guess...but she has this amazing talent...her artwork, her poetry...her creativity is overwhelming...it's really cool to see someone who is so gifted and wonderful...it makes my heart light up i guess...i don't know, i just thought it was really cool...