ponder ponder...
Dec. 18th, 2000 01:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hearteststill...i can't stop thinking about certain things...i keep pondering them and yet, never come to an answer as to why i keep thinking about them...
...certain songs make me think of certain things or people...and it kills me...I can't stop myself of thinking of these things, and some of them are bad, some of them are okay...but i can't stop this madness in my head...
for example this song, hemorrhage in my hands makes me think of this ugly ting that happened in November, but I love the song...it's odd..i'll like the song just not the memory and keep torturing myself...i don't get myself...
and wait, the song changes...to Tonic 'if you could only see'...such a beautiful song...another reminder of an oh so lovely person, and another memory of so many people telling me to get a real life..all this pressure came down to one stupid email as well as a mind altering mistake...there's just weird things that come up to mind and they all come up from these songs...and i keep listening to the song and torturing myself with the thoughts and it never ends...
..i don't know if anyone understands me...nor do i know if anyone ever will...i'd like to hope so, but i'm not sure...i can never tell...and someone asked me what fate meant the other day, and i couldn't answer him..I kept trying to tell him, but nothing right ever came out...maybe it's nothing and i should just keep on going doing what i should be doing rather than stop and think about certain things, but i can't...i should be ironing or folding clothes, or cleaning my room, but i'm sitting here wondering about things i have no clue about really...i need some sort of excape...some release...just need something...
...certain songs make me think of certain things or people...and it kills me...I can't stop myself of thinking of these things, and some of them are bad, some of them are okay...but i can't stop this madness in my head...
for example this song, hemorrhage in my hands makes me think of this ugly ting that happened in November, but I love the song...it's odd..i'll like the song just not the memory and keep torturing myself...i don't get myself...
and wait, the song changes...to Tonic 'if you could only see'...such a beautiful song...another reminder of an oh so lovely person, and another memory of so many people telling me to get a real life..all this pressure came down to one stupid email as well as a mind altering mistake...there's just weird things that come up to mind and they all come up from these songs...and i keep listening to the song and torturing myself with the thoughts and it never ends...
..i don't know if anyone understands me...nor do i know if anyone ever will...i'd like to hope so, but i'm not sure...i can never tell...and someone asked me what fate meant the other day, and i couldn't answer him..I kept trying to tell him, but nothing right ever came out...maybe it's nothing and i should just keep on going doing what i should be doing rather than stop and think about certain things, but i can't...i should be ironing or folding clothes, or cleaning my room, but i'm sitting here wondering about things i have no clue about really...i need some sort of excape...some release...just need something...
