a weird feeling day...
Dec. 21st, 2000 04:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hearteststillI'm in one of those pondering moods today...I feel really crappy physically, but I'm in one of those moods...I've been wanting to paint all week..cause I have this piece of foamcore sitting in my study that is yelling "paint me" but i can't be moved to get up and paint damn it....and I've had a lot on my mind..
...I've been wanting to tell someone one specific thing for awhile now...but it means bringing back some awkwardness...or at least there's that possibility of that happening...but it's been on my mind for weeks and i want to say it...I feel like a part of me is missing...misplaced almost but not lost...perhaps lost, but I don't know....I just feel this part gone and i don't like it...it's been likes this since november i guess...maybe earlier...but that feeling is there...i want to just get it out and say it, but i don't want that silence...it's hell...so painful...i don't know what to do...
that and i want to ask this person i they feel about me...but i can't...it would seem like somethin is wrong...which i guess something is but i don't know...
i'm just confused...my head is driving me insane and i'd like it to stop but it always does this...i need some peace and quiet in life for once...and yet again i say i need a release of some sort...i shall finally try to paint...even if it's a sad attempt....i need to do something to get my mind off this...
...I've been wanting to tell someone one specific thing for awhile now...but it means bringing back some awkwardness...or at least there's that possibility of that happening...but it's been on my mind for weeks and i want to say it...I feel like a part of me is missing...misplaced almost but not lost...perhaps lost, but I don't know....I just feel this part gone and i don't like it...it's been likes this since november i guess...maybe earlier...but that feeling is there...i want to just get it out and say it, but i don't want that silence...it's hell...so painful...i don't know what to do...
that and i want to ask this person i they feel about me...but i can't...it would seem like somethin is wrong...which i guess something is but i don't know...
i'm just confused...my head is driving me insane and i'd like it to stop but it always does this...i need some peace and quiet in life for once...and yet again i say i need a release of some sort...i shall finally try to paint...even if it's a sad attempt....i need to do something to get my mind off this...
