wish i didn't feel this way...

[hearteststill]

I wish i didn't feel the way I do... torn between 2 great people, one being here and one being farther away... yet the one who's farther away knows me better, knows my heart, and how I feel...doesn't ask me to change how I am or anything like that... Kacie does that...tries to get me to change what I saw, and who I am... she tries to get me not so say "nifty" or awesome, or cool... says i don't use their literal meanings and so I should use something else to describe things...it bugs the living hell out of me...bugs me cause she is a great person, and does make me somewhat happy, but I always have this awkward bad funky feeling in me whenever I'm around her and I don't know why... she still likes her ex who lied to her for the entire time they dated, and now wants to be with me, but if her ex comes back, i'll get kicked to the curb... and I hate that... cause I know i'll get hurt if I get into that situation...and I'm not saying I possibly won't get hurt with someone else... I'm just saying I don't want to get hurt by her, I'd rather have her as a friend than anything else...

I don't know what to do... I've made the wrong decision with the other even more wonderful person...and don't know that I can change it... just wish kacie never got dumped...none of this would have ever happened...but can't change the past, can't turn back time...but am going to tell Kacie I don't want to do anything with her...need to...need to straighten it all out and just be friends with her...can't take what she's doing to me...changing me or trying to...