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[personal profile] hearteststill
alright... so Valentine's Day is a pretty crappy excuse for a holiday... I wouldn't have said this if someone was actually here to enjoy it with, but since there's no one but a head full of confusing things, I shall rant about why v-day is awful...
Did you know it's right up there along with Christmas as the top day with the most suicides? yes indeed...more people commit suicide on v-day and christmas than any other day of the year....why you ask? well...not everyone has someone to share this holiday surrounded by love... some have tragedies surrounding this holiday as well... but me, I'm just plain miserable... no one to spend it with besides my parents (who i might add has their anniversary today...yes they got married on Valentine's day)... and I think and think of way too many things that I shouldn't dwell too much on, yet i do...
I've just got this one thing on my mind that I can't stop thinking about... something i want to tell someone but can't be brought to say it for the consequences of what is to be said...i just hate it... but i'll probably keep it inside me for a while hoping it will disappear... nothing i can do... and i wanted to talk to someone so badly today of all days and they aren't online...oh well...not their fault, probably seeing hannibal i bet...
i just want this day to be over...this aching inside me to be over...thats all...too much to ask probably...so i'll fake a few smiles in front of the parental units and be a good little daughter to them while we 'celebrate' over dinner somewhere...and i'll survive another day tomorrow of hell most likely...drawing more lyrics on my right arm because i've got nothing else to do in biology or french...depressing lyrics as well..er, not necessarily depressing, just not happy...

Date: 2001-02-15 06:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vampy.livejournal.com
we'll talk tonight ok? talk to me about what you wanna tell this someone and all you wanted to speak of yesterday..

aww....*beats herself non-stop*

Date: 2001-02-15 07:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fallendarkangel.livejournal.com
damnit all to hell...i hate my schedule...i've got variety show practice til 5, babysitting friday night because i need money, but hurray for nothing going on saturday... hopefully we'll talk friday maybe before I go to babysit, or sometime saturday...i'm sorry...i hate my schedule now more than ever...*hugs*

Re: aww....*beats herself non-stop*

Date: 2001-02-15 07:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vampy.livejournal.com
hey hey no beating - I've decided to be a hermit all weekend, so will be online when I can pry my Dad and brothers away from the machines So, schedule or no schedule, it's not all bad ok? I've lost your number, was going to call you the other night to see how you was. I'll talk to you later
From: [identity profile] fallendarkangel.livejournal.com
no...nothings all bad...i'll e-mail the number later...i've got variety show practice now...and i'll probably sit there for 2 hours, because I don't really have to do too much...
at least I tried to smile...i need to take some more meds to feel at least semi-okay...but i'll be fine by saturday...hurray for being a hermit.. i may have to buy some cd's this weekend with the money i'll get from babysitting...that is if I do babysit...(i'm thinking of saying i feel really ill, because i do, and cancelling...but i probably can't do that...need money)
so i shall talk to thee later...i may be online later...not sure though...i'll try...it just will probably be too late to chat on ICQ...but i'll check my e-mail and write one....so i'll talk to ya later~ *kisses*
From: [identity profile] vampy.livejournal.com
I hate the fact you're taking meds. Meds are bad. Sometimes they dont' always work. I might go out first thing in the morning on Saturday to buy a CD and pay an overdue bill. Fucking bill. Hate bills - evil and this one is fucking pointless since it's not even mine (long story). Just try to enjoy yourself today sweetie. smoochie

*smiles* meds are good...

Date: 2001-02-15 01:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fallendarkangel.livejournal.com
eh...2 types of meds I'm taking...one is an ADD med (attention defacite disorder...or however you spell it) and the other is so i can stop feeling like crap...err...feel semi-okay...yucky cramps...so thats the good meds...cause they make me not want to barf...hurray for them...the ADD meds make me feel light headed and floating in the air...which isn't all that good, but it's most likely because I take other stuff too along with them...such as vitamins and the pain killing stuff i mentioned before...but i'll be fine...
bills are yucky...more of a burden i guess than anythiing else...but hurray for no variety practice for me...i'm just still stuck at school for a bit...so i may stay online for a little while...=)

Re: *smiles* meds are good...

Date: 2001-02-15 04:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vampy.livejournal.com
bills are yucky - most definitely! I have to go to sleep now - which sucks! I hate that, we keep missing eachother!

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