Feb. 7th, 2001

hearteststill: (Default)
ok...i'll calm down...Quills is here finally...and it's been here apparently for at least a week...i'm so happy...you know what i'll be doing this weekend...oh yeah...seeing Quills...ok...day was pretty good...not too bad...nothing interesting going on, so i'm gonna have a shower and dinner....later~
hearteststill: (Default)
ever wonder certain things, and can't stop thinking about them? things that are thought provoking or philosophical in a way...
certain music makes me think...like enya for example...such a great voice, and soothing almost to the point of slumber...

i've been thinking a lot lately...about myself...about life...enya is a good type of music to listen to when one goes onto such a "journey"...a "quest" if you must, of their life, themselves...good soft music...but back to thoughts...i've just been thinking muchly about things...

i've come to some conclusions...some i'm still pondering, but non-the-less, conclusions all the same...the first was about myself...i haven't been 'myself' lately...and it's been longer now than 'lately'...but i think i've figured out why... I've been genuinely more happy..at least i think i have.. i'm less depressed and more happy, not knowing why...so, thats one difference...but i've also been distant with certain people i don't mean to be distant with... and I truly don't know why I've been that way...but i have...and i'm sorry to those whom i've been that way...but until i figure out why i've been that way, i can't change things...
and now the depression sets in a bit...similar to being grounded from love, or heart broken...odd combination of emotions and feelings...oh well...*sighs*

I've also noticed some other things...I really don't have any friends...maybe aquaintances, but no friends...odd, yet not surprising to me really... I've been distant with certain people, people i used to call friends...and maybe they still are and i'm just not in the friends mood...i'm not sure...i'm reserved at school as well as semi-quiet..i'm always like that...always waiting for the time when i can go home...sit in my computer room all weekend staring at a screen for 24 hours and sleeping 24 hours...not doing anything with 'friends'...nor going out much in general...i really don't have a social life as you may have noticed...but people i used to call friends, don't talk to me...can't take the time to stop caring about themselves solely, and ask how i am doing or how things are...not one person...i'm always the one to initiate conversation, and i hate that...i'd like to get online and have people talk to me rather than the other way around...i don't know, just something i've always had inside, just never said...
i wish i could find someone as talented and wonderful as someone i used to be in love with...someone as great to talk to...but no...because i don't go out much, which therefore defeats my whole idea of finding someone here...which is fine...i'll die being single, having never had my 'first kiss' nor ever meeting the one person i thought i was in love with...sounds depressing doesn't it...but now, i shall retire to slumber...dream perhaps, most likely not...think about things some more...be forever depressed...possibly...

Profile

hearteststill: (Default)
hearteststill

April 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23 242526272829
30      

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 23rd, 2017 07:55 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios