Jan. 19th, 2001

hearteststill: (Default)
alright...no school...exam hell for for now until i get them back of course...but i'm bored...my tummy pains me a little today still...but not too bad...i'll take something before i go to the movies...i may go see snatch...i don't know yet..i don't feel like going to the movies really, but my mom does so i'm going along and being a good little weird daughter...i'm in a good mood though...semi-happy...nothing bad goin on...thespian district tomorrow, so i'm taking a few cameras...which will be fun...otherwise...i'm just on a chat i go to a lot now talking to some kick ass people...i'll put more up later when i have something to say...buti'm in a good mood...so thats good
hearteststill: (Default)
I've been in an odd mood tonight...going through old emails from my love and myself...i shouldn't have...but i did...and i see all these things i wish i had back...all this love that was overflowing and i couldn't open my fucking eyes to see it...and i fucked up...i hurt the one person i cared about...the one person i lived for...that one special person i woke up for in the morning no matter what i really thought about my life because i knew that when i talked to her, all my troubles vanished into the air...and when i wasn't near her i felt like i should be...i don't know if i deserve to be where i am with her now...things are still shakey i think...i hate it when it's awkward but i think it's going to be ok...i don't deserve her...she's beautiful and poetic and lovely in every way and makes me melt every time i talk to her...i just know i can't fuck things up again...i know there won't be a next time if i do...i just want the way things were before i screwed things up...pure bliss...you could call it that i guess...would be even better in person...*sighs* what i wouldn't do to change things back...erase what i've done...

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