Jan. 18th, 2001

hearteststill: (Default)
My exmas are over...I took my french exam this morning, and couldn't concentrate at all despite that fact that i did take my ADD meds this morning as well...it was just last night that didn't let me...that feeling is still inside, ever growing...i hate when i can't ignore it, when i can't make it shut up for a while cause i know it's there...I'm listening to dido right now...great song...All you want...(my dog sighs a dog-like sigh) now i'm bored as ever, because rents are at work, and exams are over...i should be happy, but i'm not...i feel like shit really...hungry i guess, but shitty none the less...and doubting anyone ever reads anything i but in here...i'm not a very cool person...i know that...i suck...i am scum...yes, yes, don't lie now...i know all this to be very true...but see, to have love, makes all that go away...do i have love?? I have no fucking clue...i'm not angry about it either...i just straight out, don't know...too depressed and reserved at saying things to actually ask the person i adore if they love me back....yup...i'm a loser...i know...no self esteem for me...nope..do i care?? course not...nor do my other 3 personalities...nope...not one bit...(i killed the 4th one cause she did care)...alright...enough of that crap...i can't help but think that I want to be somewhere so bad and now, my parents want to go skiing in stead of London...which puts it on hold until the Summer...damn them...I want to go to London...i need to...i need to get away and see someone i've been meaning to see for a year now...this is why i didn't get excited..because they don't fulfill their promises...just keep moving them in time..."Oh we'll go in the summer, that way we can go back to ireland, and kinsale..." I don't want to go to Ireland!!! God damnit all i want to do is go to london...ship me there by myself, give me enough money to survive and damnit i will have fun...my myself too...but no...i couldn't possibly go on my own...and so i'm back at that distant dream of finally being able to see someone i need to see...can i talk them out of skiing? course not...they love skiing...it's colorado...i should love it too apparently...since i was born there and all...argh...oh well...me and my shitty-ness are going to go calm down and find something in this house do to besides stare at the computer screen...i'll probably remain here though...staring at the screen for a few hours...nothing else to do...dog is laying down somewhere, sleeping and very content where she is....

later~
hearteststill: (Default)
pizza wedges with chess and pizza sauce...(like ravioli's i think)...haven't tasted it yet...really hot still...it's these little microwavable kids meals that i got originally for school...
my dog is so good...there's these surveyors at my house outside...actually behind me outside at the moment...one is kinda cute, but the other isn't...and my dog saw them at first and started barking but now i just tell her no, and she listens...such a cool dog...
ooo...Linkin Park is on M2...must go...

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