Jan. 17th, 2001

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i'm so happy...all i have left i french tomorrow, which i will study for like a mad woman later tonight...my english exam was awesome...so glad i studied for it...seemed to easy for my own good, but i didn't know one or two things on it which kept me grounded...but she better like my essay for it damnit...it was a good, long essay....my hand is twitching when i hold my dr pepper, and when i'm typing...i don't think thats a good thing...too much writing today...i didn't know some stuff on the biology exam though...monomers and polymers...yucky...not good...but i knew most of the rest i think...i hope i did well...i really do hope...because i hate getting bad grades and having the computer taken away or even worse, me not going to London...that's what they'll do...no London if i get bad grades...damnit...i want to go to london...i need to go to london...
oh well...i'm gonna go watch rosie or cartoons or something on the boob tube for a bit, maybe until the rents come home...then i'll study and go online at the same time or mostly study...(mostly study)...i really need to do well on french...
i'm hungry...i think i'll go microwave some pancakes from the freezer...mmm...yummy...or maybe a piece of pizza...=)
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"We can do anything
I'll take you all the places you wanna be
I'll be your fantasy
Everything you want you will find in me"

yeah, yeah i know it's spice girls...shut up...i like them thank you very much..despite the song talks about a game, it's a cool song....but the cute one left damnit...ok i'm done...song changed...Nine Inch Nails- The Fragile....thats the weird thing about my music...my winamp goes from spice girls to nine inch nails and i'll keep singing along or won't change it...hehe...i'm weird like that...
I'm not studying for french yet...i really only have 2 and a half hours to study before i retire to bed (i get up really early...BLAH)..haven't eaten yet either...waiting for rents who haven't showed up yet...oh well...maybe i'll eat anyways...who knows...i just might...i still need to take a shower too...thespian districts are Saturday...i'm excited...i'm going to take a few cameras (polaroid and regular)...very cute people there that i'd like some photos of...that and i like to take pictures of nifty hair-dos i see...spikes, green, whatever it may be...i did it for a friend of mine last time...it was fun...anyways...(song change again-Union Underground- Turn Me on Mr. Deadman)...i like union underground...hurray for them...oh well...i go attempt to study now...enough procrastination today...tomorrow is the last exam so i better study...
hearteststill: (Default)
i'm sitting here home alone, and a few minutes ago i wanted them to be home, but now i don't...i just feel so sad right now, and not for me, but someone else...
Ever had that one moment when you know someone you love is feeling blue and almost in tears, and all you want to do is just give them so much comfort and hugs and you can't?? I get that a lot...all the time in fact...more than ever right now...it kills me that i can't and drives me absolutely up a wall...i feel like bursting into tears just because of it...just because i can't be with the one person in the world that i want to be with, nor can i hold, comfort...anything i really want to do...it really does absolutely drivve me up a wall...yet i continue this...continue this feeling going on inside me because of love...love that i don't know if i have back, but love i have for someone else...i would like that love to be returned just the same, but i don't know if it does...and even if it doesn't, that won't stop my heart from keeping on doing what its doing...it just wrecks my mind...the one and only thing i want to do is be there, comforting her...ease the situation if possible...yet i can't...and it sucks that i can't...i hate that i can't...but i don't give up that easily...i never have on love..and o've done some pretty shitty things for it too...and part of me wants her to come online (my heart) but my sensible part says not to...to relax, or do something relaxing...i don't know what else to say...i needed to get this off my chest before i exploded...

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