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[personal profile] hearteststill
yup...did that today..went to the movies with kacie..saw Shadow of the Vampire...It's got a really good first hour...the last bit I didn't really catch...my attention was somewhere else than the screen if you get my drift...had much fun...
Didn't do much else...laid down after the movie in bliss watching tv... trying to literally figure out if it was all a dream or not... then got online for a bit waiting for Kacie to comeon, and have been talking to her since...which was around 5.30...and now i'm eating a popsicle cause i'm cool like that...

Date: 2001-02-25 03:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vampy.livejournal.com
So you guys were making out? How hypocrital are you?!

i'm not a hypocrite

Date: 2001-02-25 07:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fallendarkangel.livejournal.com
think whatever you want...but i'm not being a hypocrite... i made my decision as you said.. and i did what you wanted me to do... and now i'm a little less confused than i was before i met Kacie... I knew this would happen... it was inevitable i suppose...but i didn't want it to...

Re: i'm not a hypocrite

Date: 2001-02-25 09:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vampy.livejournal.com
in referral to what you said..yeah you made your decision and yes you took my advice..but what CRAP you told me about how much you loved me..you dont' even know how too - and you knowing it would happen but didn't want it too? Crap Lucy, you knew what you was doing, you was dragging me along for the ride and now you have someone that 'likes' you there you drop me who you supposedly 'love' quicker than Clint Eastwood can kill a man in the good, bad and the ugly

I was trying to tlak to you but I was being blatantly ignored - horray so heres what I was trying to say

I was trying to talk to you - but then again, being ignored

ScaredGod: lucy?
ScaredGod: look talk to me or something cause I'm sick of this kind of shit too
ScaredGod: Lucy!?
ScaredGod: oh for fuck sake, what must I be thinking - u don't have time for me, your busy sucking face with Kacie
ScaredGod: gee I hope you two have come up for air by now
ScaredGod: I have you so much right now Lucy..deep sigh..I wish I didn't..but I do...
ScaredGod: I hate you for what you've done, I have you for the way I'm feeling right now, I hate you for messing with my heart and emotions
ScaredGod: I hate you for even giving me a notion that we had some sort of future together
ScaredGod: I hate you for the contradictions you've just set yourself because of what you've done
ScaredGod: I hate you for the lies you brought towards me - You said you loved me, I'm sorry..but if you loved someone so much..so badly as you said you loved me..you wouldn't be sucking face with some other girl the next minute you say such things
ScaredGod: You'd try and keep her, you'd try and figure som

i wasn't home!

Date: 2001-02-25 10:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fallendarkangel.livejournal.com
I left the computer on and went out...you weren't being ignored...because I wouldn't ignore you if I was home... so no...I wasn't sucking face thank you very much...and I'm sorry you hate me now... what am I suppose to say? Obviously you've made up your mind about me... and how am I supposed to know that you really did love me...that there could have been an "us"...how am I supposed to know that when you don't tell me anything that you're feeling... that all I read is that you talk to Liz, and then meet some cute goth girl that you asked out... I'm angry or upset about you meeting her..because you already said your reasoning...which is fine... I do love you...no matter what you think, I do... all I can think about is you... I get this really bad awkward feeling whenever i'm around Kacie... like i'm doing something terribly wrong... and now i know what it is... but I can't do anything to make you anderstand...to make you listen to me now, or to not make you hate me so much... I'm sorry you hate me...i wish you didn't and I wish I could fix all of this and turn back time, but I can't and I'm sorry...its not a game...i wasn't playing with your heart or emotions...i'm sorry...

Re: i wasn't home!

Date: 2001-02-25 04:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vampy.livejournal.com
Why does it feel like this big emotional game you was dragging me through? Gee Selina will always be around, she's not goin' anywhere cause she is halfway around the world and wouldn't know the fuckin' difference? Why do I feel like that huh? If you read it properly..I love you as much as I hate you at the same time - two closely knit emotions that always follow eachother. Yes, I'm bitter and angry. How can I help that? I can't. And how would you know 'cause I never told you how I felt? What do you expect..I've felt for the past couple of months being made fun of by you cause I do live so far away..I didn't know what to say..and I didn't realise how I felt until a few weeks ago about you. I couldn't say anytyhing solid until then apart from 'I feel something for you' - I didn't want to say that. I have to go.

this isn't a game...

Date: 2001-02-25 05:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fallendarkangel.livejournal.com
its not some emotional game... and no, I don't think any of that... about you not knowing the difference... i really don't... and I'm not making fun of you at all... I mean, if you truly felt that way you should have said it... why didn't you want to? its not like I would've ignoreed you or anything...

Re: this isn't a game...

Date: 2001-02-25 06:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vampy.livejournal.com
cause I didn't want to hurt you

you wouldn't have hurt me at all...

Date: 2001-02-26 12:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fallendarkangel.livejournal.com
You wouldn't have hurt me in the least...why do you think that?

don't know what to say...

Date: 2001-02-26 12:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fallendarkangel.livejournal.com
you wouldn't have hurt me at all...you know how i feel...and still feel... i wouldn't have walked away or ignored you or anything like that...I told kacie i just wanted to be friends...thought you'd want to know...

Re: don't know what to say...

Date: 2001-02-26 12:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fallendarkangel.livejournal.com
i needed to...i wrote why in one of the new posts in my journal...couldnt take it anymore...her trying to change how I am...just couldn't do it... don't like the funky feeling i keep getting around her...

Re: don't know what to say...

Date: 2001-02-26 01:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fallendarkangel.livejournal.com
unfortunately, i do a little...i just can't stand her wanting to change me... wanting to form me into someone she could like instead of liking me already...and the whole situation isn't great anyways...it was for the better...

Re: don't know what to say...

Date: 2001-02-26 01:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vampy.livejournal.com
how was the situation not great? you two could've talked about it..

Re: don't know what to say...

Date: 2001-02-26 01:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fallendarkangel.livejournal.com
we already did...and she knows what she wants to do if her ex comes back to her...I can't change that... and I didn't want to get into that situation and get hurt because i know i'd end up getting hurt..

at least someone does...

Date: 2001-02-26 01:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fallendarkangel.livejournal.com
i'd get on ICQ and talk to you there rather than here, but I'm not home...still at school cause I've got guitar stuff in 20 minutes...and i've been playing hide and seek in my school library for the last 20 minutes and finally the librarian told us to sit down or get out...so we went into the computer lab...twas fun...

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